Deep inside of Riley is the knight he sometimes reflects. All the charm and wit from a lifetime (albeit incomplete) of observation is hidden in those depths. But, to butcher the bard; he is not chivalrous who does not show his chivalry. I cannot seem to release it.<\/p>\n
Let me diagram for you my brain. I am focused constantly on the next few moments and hours. I\u2019ll walk in the lab and my brain will map out a number of possible time paths. If I sit at the computer I know I will check my email and deal with the next set of crises it reveals. If I eat lunch I know I will read the newspaper. If I pull out insects I know I will be committed for the next two hours.<\/p>\n
Okay, so I\u2019m predicting the probable future based on past experience. A leads to B leads to C. Pretty simple. But sometimes I run into new situations where I have no past data from which to extrapolate.<\/p>\n
Today I was on campus for several hours (okay, around 10). As I was wrapping up I stopped by the office to pick up some papers. I found there my attractive female coworker. Sorting through the piles of paperwork and organizing them into stacks. I willingly helped out as it was a pleasant reprieve from hours of study. I had no plans for the evening, only to head home and take a break before jumping back into studying for a test for which I am woefully unprepared. Her plans consisted of going to the library for the remainder of the evening to do homework. We were both hungry. I mentioned a desire to go and eat and as I did so a number of pathways opened up. I realized that I could end up down any of them based on my current position and all it would take to launch a path was a few utterances of mine. I could wrap up the business and make some excuse about going home to study and leave her to her plan. I could walk with her to the library and engage in the homework for a while to show interest, leaving before my presence became detrimental to her work. Or I could encourage her to live life a bit on a Saturday night and we could spontaneously visit a taco stand. Simple, casual, interesting: A door to wondrous potential paths. Where to go? I could see myself saying the words and using the gestures and expressions required to produce each result.<\/p>\n
But, as I always do when such opportunities present themselves (as they do more often than I deserve) I froze. Instead of grasping the situation I left it open. I didn\u2019t choose any path hoping that one would be chosen for me. One was. Since I was not giving any hints of desiring to do the chivalrous charming thing, the path closed. We lingered and lingered a bit more waiting for someone to take the step into the unknown. Neither of us did. So we did the default. She went to the library and I went home although neither wanted to. (I am of course assuming to know what she was thinking). The alternate paths flickered out.<\/p>\n
I walked home and processed the info and decided I would have been much happier had I done the chivalrous thing that my mind had offered. But instead I went home and failed miserably at studying while eating cheap, boring food and had more insignificant exchanges with the people around me. I watched other boys succeed at letting their charming spontaneity endear them to the hearts of those who I might have won over. Instead I let more doors close as last week\u2019s crush was swept up with fulano and this week\u2019s crush made headway with mengano.<\/p>\n
How many times have I stood at the ridge of romantic victory, all the pieces set, the girl willing and wanting, where all that was required was a few words of permission or encouragement showing my mutual interest? The few times I\u2019ve taken the leap have been wonderful and intriguing. Yet far more commonly I make it to that moment where we stand on the sidewalk about to part in the cloudy Saturday dusk and I can say no more than a universally disappointing pre-programmed farewell as I return to the solitude that welcomes me home.<\/p>\n
Rise up oh man of God, have done with lesser things. You are more than you allow yourself to be. The people sense it, why don’t you show it?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Deep inside of Riley is the knight he sometimes reflects. All the charm and wit from a lifetime (albeit incomplete) of observation is hidden in those depths. But, to butcher the bard; he is not chivalrous who does not show his chivalry. I cannot seem to release it. Let me diagram for you my brain. […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-716","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p2xIrS-by","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/blog.riley.rackliffe.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/716","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/blog.riley.rackliffe.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/blog.riley.rackliffe.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/blog.riley.rackliffe.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/blog.riley.rackliffe.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=716"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"http:\/\/blog.riley.rackliffe.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/716\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1050,"href":"http:\/\/blog.riley.rackliffe.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/716\/revisions\/1050"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/blog.riley.rackliffe.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=716"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/blog.riley.rackliffe.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=716"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/blog.riley.rackliffe.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=716"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}