I believe in Marriage

I do not hold the record for singleness. Indeed, at 27, I haven’t even hit the national average for male first marriage. I am slightly past the 26.2 age for Utah males but I’m still comfortably within the confidence intervals. But I do live in the world where most of my friends are raising children now and life check list of “go to college, get married and get a job” is reduced to “get married”. I do get questions about my dating life at every family gathering, reunions between friends, work, church, the doctor’s office and any time I reveal my bright blue eyes and spicy elbows. Okay, maybe not every time, but still.

And then come the set ups. I don’t have to doubt that there are many eligible girls out there. I don’t doubt because I get referrals. My coworker’s wife has a cute single cousin who is older like me. My brother’s mother-in-law has a niece in Rexburg that likes the outdoors. A fellow temple worker set me up with his daughter. My parents have repeatedly gone through every girl they know, and every girl in the neighborhood. My next door neighbor set me up with her niece…in Shanghai, then came over and provided the skype connection. I’ve been set up by aunts and grandparents, bishopric members and their wives, my thesis adviser’s wife, a scout master I met at camp once (who offered his daughter), old mission companions, the girl down the street, some of my married friends, the nurse taking my vitals, current crushes, my nieces and nephews, and many of my mother’s friends that have daughters. I’m beginning to suspect that I’m not the only single person in this world.

HOWEVER. This isn’t a rant about singleness. This isn’t a passive aggressive attempt to get everyone to let me stew in my solitude in peace. I could go on about how it’s my life and I’m living it at my pace and didn’t you notice that I’m still two years behind the national average and I know what I’m doing. But…well. It’s not just my life, it’s her life too. And others. My pace isn’t necessarily the right pace. What I should be doing has very little to do with what “normal” is nationally. And, quite honestly, I have no idea what I’m doing. All I’m doing is making one or two choices at a time while trying my best to anticipate a future I can’t see but often dream about. And I know I screw up, probably even every day. I don’t know how create a marriage. I’ve collected advice and techniques my whole life but the implementation is weak at best.

I believe in marriage. I believe what L. Tom Perry said in his last worldwide address 7 weeks ago. “Let me close by bearing witness (and my nine decades on this earth fully qualify me to say this) that the older I get, the more I realize that family is the center of life and is the key to eternal happiness.” I believe that the greatest happiness possible in life comes through the union of two souls in the perpetuation of humanity.

I believe it because he said so. I also believe it because the church says so. The temple says so. And my parents say so. And endless concourses of teachers, professors, mentors and friends say so. Because the scriptures say so. Science seems to say so. Even silly things like Hollywood seem to say so. Animal nature seems to agree. Men are that they might have joy. Happiness is the object of our existence. Marriage is how you maximize that happiness.
Now, I know not all families are pleasant.

I know some marriages fail.

I know that not everyone finds the pinnacle. But some people do.

And I still believe in it.

So I try to accept a referral now and then. I try to be happy each time another friend ties the knot. I endure the questions and remind myself that you ask because you care. Because you also know that it’s worth it. And you want me to be happy. I’m okay with that.